For A Friend

Over the last few days, I’ve noticed that a friend of mine has been suffering with various problems in their life and is naturally feeling quite upset, depressed and is unsure about what to do next. They’ve had a lot to deal with in the past year or so, redundancy, death of a parent, illness and now after settling into a new job, faces the threat of their contract not being extended and becoming unemployed again. Now I’m not going to mention any names as I don’t want to betray this person’s confidence, but, they have really given me pause for thought today about all the challenges we face in life.

Now I have known this particular friend for well over 10yrs. We worked together at one point and in fact used to joke that we saw each other more often than some of the members of our own family. In some ways you might say we became our own family and together with a few other colleagues shared so many good and bad times and talked about so many different things, that what we haven’t covered in the past ten years can’t really have been worth talking about!

When one of us is happy, we all share and celebrate that moment and when one of us hurts and is upset, the rest of us feel that hurt and upset and want to take it all away and make things better. This is of course what friendship is all about – being there for your friends through all the good time and bad times – and yet today I feel such a helpless friend. The only comfort I can give is that I know some of what they are going through at the moment, having been in similar situations myself and that things will get better, or they will become stronger through the challenges they are facing now and be better equipped to deal with other problems that come this way.

I am reminded of something that John Bytheway (yes that is his real name!), a motivational speaker once related. He talked about how he started going to a gym and his personal trainer would have him lift this bar. It was hard at first but eventually he started to get the hang of it. Then the trainer did something really mean and put weights on the end of the bar. Well he tried to lift it, but it was hard and yet his personal trainer insisted that he keep going. He explained to John that the pain he felt was his muscles being stretched almost to the point of breaking and tearing and yet when they stopped exercising, they would knit back together and become stronger and he would be able to lift more. In John’s gym there was a sign on the wall which he came to appreciate – No Pain = No Gain. Now John was more of the opinion, No Pain = Good, but he came to understand this not just in terms of exercising but also in the challenges we face in life. Some people might also relate this to the saying “That which doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger!”

It’s hard though when we’re in the middle of a trial to see the light at the end of the tunnel, or we worry that the light could just be from an oncoming train! It is difficult to see a way out and an end to all the misery we are facing and it is understandable to want to give up. Many of us when putting on our make up in the morning, put on a face to try and hide the hurt and pain we are feeling and we go out and try to pretend that nothing is wrong and just get through the day. What we really need is someone to see through the disguise and give us some comfort – even if it is just a hug or a kind word. Sometimes, that’s all it takes.
At times like these with my friend – and with others, I think of the song Safe Harbours by Michael Mclean

There are refugees among us
That are not from foreign shores;
And the battles they are waging
Are from very private wars.
And there are no correspondents
Documenting all their grief,
But these refugees among us all
Are yearning for relief.

There are refugees among us.
They don’t carry flags or signs.
They are standing right beside us
In the market checkout lines;
And the war they’ve been fighting
It will not be televised,
But the story of their need for love
Is written in their eyes.

This is a call to arms,
To reach out and to hold
The evacuees from the dark.
This is a call to arms,
To lead anguished souls
To safe harbours of the heart.

Can you see through their disguises?
Can you hear what words won’t tell?
Some are losing faith in Heaven
‘Cause their life’s a living Hell.
Is there anyone to help those
Who have nowhere else to flee?
For the only arms protecting them
belong to you and me.

Do you know of someone who needs their friends right now, this very minute? Pick up the phone, pick up a pen or even your computer and let them know that you care. I felt quite useless earlier today, thinking that all I had done was offer a listening ear and said a few words that had my friend cry even more (in a nice way this time, I hope) but then another friend reminded me that sometimes, a kind word and a listening ear are all that a person needs.

I am so very blessed in my life to have the best friends that money can’t buy. Some of them live close by, others live abroad but I know that because of them I need never feel alone, they will always be there for me and to them I say THANK-YOU. I hope that one day I can be to them the kind of friend that they have been to me in my darkest of times. That’s what friends are for after all.